Trusting the Process: The Right Mindset for Therapy

What happens when you come into therapy, the first session has ended, and perhaps things don’t feel any better? It can be hard to walk through the process of therapy when we don’t know what to expect or how to cope with the moments that feel hard. What we anticipate from therapy shapes how we perceive and interpret our sessions. Our beliefs about therapy, our therapist, and the effectiveness of the process have a big impact on our experience of it. 

I hope this article brings you reassurance, empowers you to fully engage in therapy, and inspires hope as you navigate your own unique journey. Therapy holds immense value and can indeed serve as the catalyst for the change you seek. I believe these three shifts in perspective can help you develop a mindset that will enable you to get the most out of therapy.

1.     Embrace the Power of Expression

Often, we underestimate the profound impact of having a dedicated space to express ourselves freely, without fear of judgment. While our loved ones may offer support, they might not always possess the necessary tools required to fully understand our experiences. Your therapist is trained to fully immerse themselves in your perspective, offering a safe haven for you to share openly. This commitment is unique because, often, people may not know how to create the supportive environment you deeply desire. It's empowering to acknowledge that you have this sanctuary and someone who is adept at empathy, validation, and impartiality. Simply having a safe space to express can be incredibly therapeutic—it allows us to release pent-up emotions, process our thoughts, and receive the support we crave.

2.     Communicate If Something's Not Working

At times, there might be thoughts lingering in your mind that feel challenging to share with your therapist. If something isn't working or doesn't feel helpful, don't hesitate to discuss it openly. Sharing these concerns can help your therapist better understand your needs and tailor the treatment plan accordingly. Bring forth your fears, worries, and genuine emotions to your therapist—they are equipped to handle it and can provide the support you require. Whether it's frustration over the perceived slow progress or other difficulties, sharing these emotions with your therapist can offer them the opportunity to guide you through them. Occasionally, we may encounter less-than-ideal experiences in therapy where we don't feel properly cared for. This can be deeply disheartening and shake our confidence in the therapy process. However, I encourage you to give therapy another chance. Not every therapist will be the right fit for you, and that's perfectly okay. But remember, this doesn't reflect negatively on therapy as a whole. Therapy can be effective and transformative if you're committed to it. So, consider this your reminder to persevere, even when the journey feels challenging or doesn't meet your expectations. It's also okay to take a break from therapy and return when you're ready. I like to think of each therapy session as planting a seed. While we may not witness immediate growth, with time and nurturing, we can observe positive changes blossoming in our lives.

3.     Give Therapy the Time It Deserves

Therapy isn't a quick fix; it's a gradual process that unfolds over time, sometimes more time than we'd prefer. It's essential to remember that your therapist is human—they can't read your mind or predict your experiences. Making assumptions based on past experiences, whether theirs or others, can be harmful. Each individual is unique, with distinct needs and layers that require exploration. Your therapist needs time to understand who you are and what you're going through fully. They must carefully process and conceptualize your experiences to offer effective support. So, if progress seems slow, remember it's a sign that your therapist is approaching your care with diligence and consideration. Rest assured that even if issues aren't resolved immediately or the first strategies provided don't seem effective, change takes time. There's hope and power in the therapeutic process—real transformation occurs when we deeply understand and connect with the insights gained. Your therapist's role isn't to overwhelm you with information but to guide you toward self-discovery and growth collaboratively. Trust in the process, and with patience, positive change will unfold.

Written by Chelsea Reeves, MFT-I 

Book a session with me using the link below:

https://southtampatherapybookappt.as.me/ChelseaR

Counseling for College Students in Tampa

At South Tampa Therapy with Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney, specialized Counseling for College Students addresses academic-social balance, roommate conflicts, and post-college concerns. Entering college signifies independence, yet struggles with fitting in, missing family or hometown, and uncertainty about the future are common experiences.

Feeling alone amidst the apparent ease of others' adjustments can exacerbate these transitions, causing anxiety, depression, and isolation. Recognize that these feelings, while normal, can impact your daily life significantly.

Symptoms like persistent emptiness, loss of interest in activities, academic setbacks, self-esteem issues, pessimism about the future, and physical stress signs may indicate depression or anxiety.

Counseling offers proven help for college students dealing with mental health challenges. While campus resources might be limited, seeking support in a comfortable and private environment can make a difference. Our team at South Tampa Therapy comprises qualified professionals passionate about helping students navigate these challenges.

We prioritize understanding each individual's needs, fostering a judgment-free, compassionate space for growth. Located in St. Petersburg, FL, we actively engage with the college community, building relationships with faculty and staff to ensure comprehensive support.

Remote counseling services via HIPAA-compliant video platforms offer flexibility, ensuring support regardless of your location. Face-to-face sessions are optimal, but remote sessions serve as a valuable resource in emergencies or when away from home.

Whether you're local or distant, our team is dedicated to providing the care and support you need during your college journey. Contact us anytime for assistance.

Book an initial Intake to start making positive changes! 

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake

Text Dr. Liz on her cell phone 813-240-3237

Nurturing Love: How Couples Counseling with the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy Can Transform Relationships

Introduction

Love is a beautiful journey, but it's not always smooth sailing. Every couple faces challenges and moments of discord. However, seeking help through couples counseling can be the beacon of hope that leads to a stronger, more fulfilling partnership. In this blog post, we'll explore how the integration of the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) can be transformative in nurturing love and healing relationships.

Understanding the Gottman Approach

1. Building Strong Foundations: The Gottman Approach emphasizes the importance of creating strong foundations in a relationship. This includes open communication, trust, and a deep understanding of each other's needs and desires.

2. The Art of Effective Communication: Through the Gottman Method, couples learn how to communicate effectively, ensuring that their voices are heard, and their concerns are addressed. This involves active listening, empathy, and expressing oneself in a constructive manner.

3. Navigating Conflict: Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. The Gottman Approach equips couples with tools to navigate disagreements in a healthy and productive way. By identifying harmful communication patterns and learning to replace them with positive interactions, couples can break free from negative cycles.

Emotion-Focused Therapy: Healing from the Inside Out

1. Exploring Emotions: Emotion-Focused Therapy delves deep into the emotional landscape of a relationship. It helps couples identify and express their feelings in a safe and supportive environment.

2. Strengthening Emotional Bonds: By understanding and validating each other's emotions, couples can create a stronger emotional bond. This enables them to support and uplift each other, even in times of difficulty.

3. Healing Past Wounds: EFT provides a platform for couples to address past hurts and wounds. Through guided conversations, couples can work towards forgiveness, letting go of resentment, and finding closure.

The Power of Integration

When the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy come together, their synergy is extraordinary.

1. A Holistic Approach: The Gottman Approach focuses on practical, evidence-backed strategies, while EFT addresses the emotional core of a relationship. Together, they provide a comprehensive toolkit for couples to navigate challenges.

2. Strengthening Communication and Emotional Connection: Through this integrated approach, couples not only learn how to communicate effectively but also deepen their emotional connection. This leads to a more profound understanding of each other's needs and a greater sense of intimacy.

3. Long-Lasting Transformation: The integration of these approaches isn't just about temporary fixes. It's about creating lasting, positive change that enriches the fabric of the relationship.

Conclusion

Couples counseling with the integration of the Gottman Approach and Emotion-Focused Therapy is a powerful journey towards healing and growth. It offers couples the tools to communicate more effectively, understand each other on a deeper level, and ultimately, build a stronger and more resilient partnership. Through this transformative process, couples can nurture their love and create a foundation for a more fulfilling future together.

Transform Anger Into Connection

Transforming anger into an opportunity for connection and growth in intimate relationships is possible through the practice of Nonviolent Communication (NVC).

When anger arises in a relationship, couples often fall into destructive communication patterns, exacerbating the initial pain and creating a cycle of suffering. However, NVC offers a way to break this cycle and foster understanding and connection.

Marshall Rosenberg's insight into anger helps shed light on its underlying dynamics. When someone is angry, it indicates a strong need that they urgently want to be met. However, in an attempt to ensure their needs are met, they may employ moralistic rules, which often lead to unpleasant treatment of others. Recognizing these underlying needs and shifting the focus from moralistic rules to unmet needs is crucial for transforming anger into understanding and connection.

To identify the unmet needs behind anger, it is important to look beyond the rules and reactions of the person expressing anger. One approach is to set aside one's own reactions and inquire about the person's upset. Asking questions like, "When I hear that you are upset about this, it tells me there was a way you wanted to be treated that didn't happen. Am I right?" opens up the conversation and invites the person to share their perspective.

Continuing the exploration of unmet needs, asking questions about the ideal way they would have liked to be treated can help uncover their desires and dreams for the relationship. This can include questions such as, "If you could have been treated in a way that was perfect for you, what would that look like? What would have happened?" This process encourages them to think about the positive outcomes they envision and articulate their needs more explicitly.

The answers provided serve as clues to identify their unmet needs. By presenting different possibilities and allowing them to decide what resonates, it becomes easier to narrow down and understand their specific needs. This process is akin to trying on different clothes until the right fit is found. It requires empathy, active listening, and an open mind to accurately grasp the underlying needs being expressed.

By delving deeper into their needs and offering empathy and understanding, the initial anger can be transformed into a sense of relief, relaxation, and genuine connection. This process of uncovering and addressing needs is a form of deep empathy that brings joy and closeness to the relationship.

While learning this approach may take time and practice, it cultivates a sense of eagerness to explore the needs underlying anger and fosters a stronger bond between partners. Through NVC, anger can be seen as an opportunity for growth, understanding, and strengthening the connection in intimate relationships.

Communication Skills in Intimate Relationships

Nonviolent Communication (NVC) skills can greatly benefit intimate relationships by promoting understanding, preventing conflicts, and deepening connections.

In intimate relationships, the emotional investment is high, making disconnections and conflicts particularly painful. NVC provides a framework for conscious and empathetic communication, allowing partners to navigate misunderstandings and conflicts with compassion and respect.

Communication is essential in intimate relationships because it is the primary means of connection. Without effective communication, relationships lack intimacy and can become strained. By developing NVC skills, individuals can establish mutual understanding, build trust, and create satisfying ways of relating.

The importance of communication in intimate relationships can be likened to the metaphor of "digging a well before you're thirsty." It emphasizes the need to invest in communication skills before conflicts arise. Rather than waiting until a full-blown conflict occurs, it is beneficial to proactively develop communication skills to prevent misunderstandings and conflicts from escalating. This proactive approach allows couples to conserve mental and emotional energy and avoid unnecessary suffering.

NVC skills not only help resolve conflicts but also contribute to the ongoing deepening of connections. By practicing active listening and understanding each other's feelings, needs, and desires, partners can nurture a sense of intimacy and emotional closeness. This deeper level of communication enhances the overall quality of the relationship.

Common communication problems in relationships, such as listening to respond instead of understand, can be addressed through NVC. By actively listening to understand without immediately offering solutions or judgments, partners can create a safe space for open and vulnerable communication. When individuals feel understood, they are more receptive to hearing the other person's perspective. This empathetic dynamic promotes authentic connection and often leads to the resolution of conflicts.

It is important to note that NVC is not about agreement but understanding.

It allows partners to communicate their thoughts, feelings, and needs while respecting and acknowledging each other's perspectives. This approach fosters a sense of empathy, which is essential for maintaining healthy and harmonious intimate relationships.

In summary, NVC skills are invaluable for intimate relationships. By cultivating conscious and empathetic communication, couples can prevent misunderstandings, resolve conflicts, and deepen their connections. The practice of NVC not only contributes to a more fulfilling relationship but also enhances personal growth and emotional well-being.

These situations easily lead to misunderstandings which can lead to conflicts.

A true-life example: a woman said to her male partner, “I don’t want to be so wifey.”

What she meant: “I don’t want to be the only one doing the housework.”

What he heard: “I don’t want to be married to you anymore.”

This couple ended up divorcing — true story — and is an example of a small miscommunication that can spiral out of control quickly if we don’t catch it. So slowing down, listening to understand, and asking clarifying questions can save us all a lot of heartbreak! (In the example of the couple above, their large group of friends also went through a form of heartbreak.)

Using Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in relationships involves remembering three key elements: Purpose, Intention, and Attention.

The purpose of NVC is to create a high quality of connection that allows individuals to naturally contribute to each other's well-being. It is not about getting others to do what you want or achieving a specific outcome. By focusing on connection first, mutually satisfying solutions can be found.

When entering a conversation or interaction, check your intention. Is it to be right or to connect? Willingness to let go of being right and preferred outcomes can pave the way for genuine connection and collaborative problem-solving.

Using NVC in relationships requires skillful deployment of attention. Instead of focusing on who's right or wrong, direct your attention to feelings and needs. Recognize the humanity in yourself and your partner, allowing for deeper understanding and mutual fulfillment.

Improving communication in a relationship through NVC involves becoming aware of and transforming old, unconscious patterns that hinder the desired quality of connection. While it may take time and effort, as you practice NVC, it becomes more natural and efficient.

Remember that NVC encourages connection before finding solutions.

Taking the time to understand each other's observations, feelings, needs, and requests is crucial for arriving at strategies that meet the needs of both partners. By using purpose, intention, and attention, NVC can lead to deeper and more satisfying relationships.

Book an appointment with author Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney and learn better communication skills:

https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/initialintake

Preparing for the Climb: what to expect in your first therapy session

Congratulations on scheduling your first counseling appointment! If this is your first time in therapy, you may be wondering what it’s going to be like that first appointment. Even if it’s not your first venture into counseling, it’s helpful to know what to expect with your new counselor (me). 

I like to think of undertaking therapy as similar to climbing a mountain. Just like the steps one takes to prepare for an intense climb, the therapy process starts with gathering information, taking stock of your equipment/tools, and making a plan. Using this metaphor, let’s talk about the first step in therapy: the intake appointment. 

Step 1: Meet your climbing partner 

Climbing a mountain is hard work. It helps to take a climbing partner with you – ideally someone who has climbed before and is dedicated to walking with you through the most challenging parts. The same is true with counseling. During your first session, I will introduce myself to you and go over a few important details about the counseling process. 

A little bit about your climbing partner/therapist: Right now I am a Supervised Therapist at South Tampa Therapy, which means I am counseling under the supervision and licensure of Dr. Elizabeth Mahaney while I finish up my final 18 weeks of my Masters in Counseling program Northwestern University. (Previously, I spent 12 years working in corporate America.) My current education has qualified and prepared me to counsel individuals, couples, and families experiencing a variety of life challenges, and over the past year I have accumulated 1,000 hours of experience in clinical mental health settings. I take a collaborative, integrative, and holistic approach, which means I look at the whole person and pull in evidence-based tools from various counseling theories based on what we both believe will be most helpful for you. (Approaches I often use for individuals include Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) including Exposure with Response Prevention (ERP), Narrative, Internal Family Systems, and Psychodynamic; for couples, I also use Gottman and Emotion-Focused Therapy.) 

Step 2: Learn about the climb

A climber needs to be informed about the mountain they are climbing, including any risks, benefits, requirements, and special considerations. You should know the same at the outset of your counseling journey. During the first session, I will tell you what counseling is, what you can generally hope to accomplish, any risks, and what the process will entail. Counseling is a collaborative process aimed at helping clients achieve mental health and wellness. It takes work on the part of the therapist and the client. Together, we will identify goals, gain insight, work through challenges, and practice new skills. If you are here for couples counseling, we will develop insight into what is underlying any relationship problems and then work to heal wounds, resolve conflict, and improve communication. 

Now, about the risks. While counseling is successful for many people, like any endeavor, there is not 100% certainty. It might not be the right time to climb the mountain, or I might not be the best climbing partner for you – and that’s ok if we find that out! I want the best for you. Also, talking about hard things can bring up difficult emotions – similar to training your muscles for a long climb, you may experience some emotional “soreness” along the way. That is why your counselor is here to train alongside you – so you’re not facing the journey alone!

Another important aspect of the therapy process is confidentiality and its limits. Confidentiality is of utmost importance to me, and I am also bound by law and my professional ethics to uphold it. Everything we talk about in session will stay in session. I may seek supervision from my supervisor (who is also bound by confidentiality) on aspects of your case to ensure I am providing the best possible care. There are only a few instances where I would be required by law to break confidentiality: if I believe you are going to harm yourself or another person, if there is suspected abuse of a child or vulnerable adult, or if my court records were to be subpoenaed (which is highly unlikely). 

Beyond confidentiality, we will cover policies and communication expectations – things like what to do if we run into each other out of the therapy room, how to get in touch between sessions, and cancellation/rescheduling expectations. I highly encourage questions about anything – I want you to feel confident and comfortable as we begin the journey. 

Step 3: Check equipment and readiness level

Embarking on a mountain climb without checking one’s equipment (what you bring with you) and readiness levels would not likely result in a successful outcome. My goal for counseling is to help you achieve your goals. And in order to do that, I need to get to know what you’re bringing with you in your emotional backpack! That’s why this first session will be more question-heavy than other sessions we will have together (where you will be doing most of the talking). I will ask you about your health, family history, and what symptoms you’re currently experiencing. Since we’re shaped by both nature (our genetic makeup) and nurture (family, community, experiences, and global events and messages), gathering information about these topics helps us get a sense of how these factors may be impacting you. Most importantly, I’ll ask what brings you to counseling now and what you’re hoping to get out of it. I may also administer one or more assessments that we can come back to over the course of treatment to check on progress. 

Step 4: Map out the journey 

During our first session, we’ll start to hone in on goals for our time together – you might think about it like determining which mountain (or mountains) we want to climb, how frequently it makes sense to train, and a goal for how quickly we can reach the top. Each person has unique goals. For instance, a goal may be to reduce the frequency, intensity, and duration of anxious  thoughts and feelings. Perhaps it could be to find clarity on a difficult, stressful decision. Or maybe it could be to improve communication in a relationship, process through a trauma, grieve a loss, or increase self-esteem. It’s possible that the goals will start out more general and become more specific as we gain more clarity on symptomatology. As we dive deeper, they may also shift. We might even add additional goals along the way! 

Goals are important because they provide direction for our work together. They also let us know if we’re on the right track or if we need to switch approaches. Finally, if we are successful during our time together, our goals will help inform when it’s time to begin winding down our sessions. 

With our goals set, we will discuss how frequently we want to meet (I usually recommend weekly to start with) and set our next appointment time. I may also ask you if you are ok with taking part in “practice” (which I find is a more palatable word than “homework”) between the intake and the next session. This could be, for example, reading a brief article, tracking your thoughts and feelings, journaling, or trying out a new coping tool. We can both expect to leave the intake with an idea of where we’ll be headed in therapy as well as what we’ll focus on in the next session. 

What to keep in mind when beginning counseling

Embarking on the counseling journey is a big decision – akin to standing in front of a tall mountain and making the decision to climb it. And the intake session is sort of like meeting your climbing partner for the first time, taking stock of your equipment, and mapping your route before the journey. It’s ok to feel a little nervous at this stage. It makes sense – talking about hard things and putting in the work is difficult! But know that as a counselor I am there with you, creating a nonjudgmental space to feel, process, and work through the most difficult parts of your experience. It’s so much easier to climb when you know you’re not doing it alone. And the view at the top? Well, it’s pretty spectacular.

Book with author of this blog post, Kaitlin Lowey, here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/KaitlinLowey

Why the transition from college athlete to the real world is so hard

The experiences of athletes like Simone Biles and Michael Phelps have shed light on the mental health struggles many athletes face. A topic that has received less attention – but deserves equal standing – is the mental wellbeing of athletes who are transitioning from intense competition into the next phase of their life. 

This period of time can be a difficult one for many reasons. Most athletes end their athletic career in college, which coincides with numerous changes that all college graduates face, including leaving the familiarity of school, entering the workforce, and a general sense of uncertainty that comes with starting a new phase. But for athletes, this period can be even more difficult because it can feel like a large portion of their identity has been lost.

Whereas most college students have the opportunity to test out new identities and “find themselves” in high school and college, athletes’ immense time and energy investment in their sports prevents them from doing the same. Their athletic participation, which usually begins early in life, provides them with athletic purpose, athletic identity, structure, adoration from others, camaraderie with teammates, competition highs, and social status. But this comes at a cost. They miss out on opportunities to explore life outside of athletics, experiment with various roles, and face conflicts that refine one’s sense of self. Ultimately, this can result in what is known as identity foreclosure, which essentially means not having had the opportunity to explore oneself before settling on an identity. In other words, athletes don’t have the opportunity to find out who they are apart from their sport. On top of this, retiring athletes face the loss of being highly skilled at something, the loss of a built-in support network, and the loss of public admiration. If all of this sounds like a lot, that’s because it is!

It’s no wonder that retiring student-athletes often struggle with adjustment difficulties, uncertainty, career problems, financial issues, social problems, and issues with self-esteem, self-concept, well-being, and life direction as they transition from their exclusive athletic identity to an uncertain one. The shift away from athletics has been associated with mental health symptoms including feelings of grief, anxiety, and depression, as well as decreased social support, isolation, declined sense of self-worth, loss of interest in activities, and lack of motivation. Furthermore, athletes who have not developed coping strategies may turn to substance use or unhealthy eating habits, which are common coping mechanisms among student-athletes encountering negative events. 

If you’re an athlete or recently retired athlete, you might be feeling anxious about the transition into the “real world,” or you might be nodding along in recognition of your experience. Thankfully, whether you are planning ahead for the next phase or seeking support during a recent retirement, there are many things you can do to ease the transition. The first is to develop interests and skills outside of your sport. Ideally, you would engage in pre-retirement planning a year or more in advance. However, if you haven’t done that, there are still many ways you can move forward with intention. The key is to consider your values and interests apart from your sport, begin to develop new skills that align with those values and interests, and set goals. These steps can help you develop a sense of identity outside of athletics that you can build on. Ask yourself what lights you up and gets you excited, and go from there. Ultimately, you will be able to take the motivation and hard work you applied to your sport and channel it into finding success in a new pursuit. It may take time, and the beginning may feel overwhelming, but think of it like building a muscle. It might hurt, and it might be slow going, but eventually you will see the results!

Another important step is to process your feelings about stopping your sport. You can explore what being an athlete has contributed to your life, what it is/will be like to no longer identify as an athlete or be part of a team, and what emotions that brings up for you. In addition, you should process through any fears, hopes, and beliefs you have about entering this next life phase. If you have already stopped playing your sport and are going through the grieving process, know that this is normal. It’s okay – actually, necessary – to allow yourself to grieve, and you don’t have to go through it alone. You can do this work with teammates and mentors, in therapy, or as part of a support group. 

Another important factor to consider is continuation of belonging and social support – two major benefits athletes receive from being a part of a team. Again, you don’t have to go through this transition alone! Be intentional about checking in with your team members who are going through the same situation, and make a plan for how to support one another through this time. You should also seek out groups of individuals with similar interests outside of your sports team. For example, you might sign up for intramural sports, take an art or photography class, or get involved in a company with lots of other motivated young people. It’s important to remember that building social relationships outside of sports can take work and take time, and they may look and feel slightly different than the ones you had in college.

The transition from athlete to the “real world” can be a tricky one, so if you are going through it, be gentle with yourself. It’s okay to mourn the loss of your athlete identity. And it’s okay to feel scared or anxious about what lies ahead. At the same time, it’s okay to look forward to how you will learn, grow, and find success – whatever that looks like for you – over the next several decades! There is so much more to you than the title of athlete. And your friends, teammates, and mentors are there to help you along your journey. We are all rooting for you! 

Book with author of this blog post, Kaitlin Lowey, here: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/KaitlinLowey

Why your therapist won’t tell you what to do

One question us therapists often hear from our clients is, “What should I do?”

It makes sense that a client would want our advice. After all, we are often the only people in our clients’ lives who know all of the intricate matters of their hearts. We sit with the ambivalent feelings, desires, and conundrums our clients find themselves encountering. And, because we aren’t interwoven in our clients lives in the way that a friend or family member is, we aren’t directly impacted by the decisions our clients make. In short, we get the full picture without being in the picture. So, why shouldn’t we give them advice? 

Let me answer this question by painting a picture of a hypothetical client scenario. In this situation, a client has been dissatisfied with her relationship for quite some time. She feels that her partner cannot connect with her on an emotional level, and their sex life has been lackluster for the past year. She explains the full details of her situation to her therapist and asks, “What should I do?” Her therapist says, “Well, it sounds like this may not be the best relationship for you. I think you should leave.” 

What are the possibilities coming out of this? Let’s consider a few. 1. The client leaves her partner but later feels she has made a mistake. 2. The client leaves her partner and is thrilled about making the decision, but she is robbed of her confidence in her ability to make her own decisions and relies on her therapist for all future major decisions. 3. The client stays in the relationship and no longer trusts the therapist's opinion. 4. The client finds that she actually resents being told what to do and ghosts her therapist, losing faith in therapy and never getting the therapeutic help that would have helped her confront her deeper underlying reasons for seeking help in the first place.

As you can see, there is no winning when we provide advice to our clients.

In fact, this can do more harm than good. When providing an opinion, we may also fall into the unethical trap of imposing our own beliefs and values onto our clients – a direct violation of our ethical code. We also strip our clients of the very empowerment they come to therapy to build. While providing an answer to our clients’ problems may temporarily provide relief from uncertainty, it also reinforces reliance on the therapist to provide a sense of certainty. We want our clients to stand in their own power and trust in themselves – and to believe that no matter what the outcome of their dilemma, they will be able to handle it. 

So, what do we do when our clients ask us, “What should I do?”

We have several approaches we can take. We can help our clients to think through the pros and cons of each choice. Through this process, we may collectively uncover possibilities our clients had not thought of before. We might even go deeper than the surface level questions, challenging catastrophizing, black-and-white thinking, and other cognitive distortions. Perhaps we’ll find that the situation is not as bleak as it seems. If a client seems to be intellectualizing a choice, we might focus on expressing feelings and underlying needs. Contrary to popular belief, feelings and needs play an important role in decision-making and should not be ignored. Finally, we might explore how similar situations in the past are connected to the client’s emotions and beliefs about the current situation – or even confront the concepts of uncertainty and control more abstractly. 

We therapists are certainly flattered that our clients think our opinions are worth seeking on-high stakes decisions. But we also care about our clients enough to not tell them what to do. What we can do – and what is ultimately far more helpful – is  help them gain more insight into themselves. And this in itself is so powerful. Because when our clients know themselves better, they can make better-informed decisions that are aligned with their own goals, values, and beliefs.  

Book with Author Kaitlin Lowey: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/KaitlinLowey

Supporting Your Partner Through Difficult Times

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Life is filled with ups and downs, and during challenging moments, having a supportive partner can make all the difference. As a couple, navigating difficult times together can strengthen your bond and foster personal growth. Drawing from the perspective of a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT), this blog post will explore effective ways to help your partner during tough moments, promoting a healthy and thriving relationship.

1. Foster Open Communication

Effective compassionate communication forms the foundation of any strong relationship. During difficult times, encourage your partner to express their thoughts and feelings openly. Provide a safe and non-judgmental space where they can freely share their concerns, worries, or frustrations. Actively listen, validate their emotions, and refrain from offering immediate solutions. Sometimes, all they need is a compassionate ear and a shoulder to lean on.

2. Cultivate Empathy and Understanding

Empathy plays a vital role in supporting your partner through challenging times. Put yourself in their shoes, trying to understand their perspective and emotions. Recognize that their experience may differ from yours, and avoid dismissing or minimizing their feelings. Show genuine compassion and validate their experiences, even if you cannot fully relate to their circumstances. Offering empathy allows your partner to feel heard and understood, strengthening the connection between you.

3. Be Present and Available

During difficult times, your partner may need your presence more than ever. Demonstrate your commitment by making time for them, ensuring your availability. Be physically and emotionally present, offering your support and undivided attention. Engage in activities they enjoy or simply spend quality time together. Your consistent presence and active involvement will foster a sense of security and reassurance during their challenging moments.

4. Provide Practical Support

Practical support can alleviate some of the burdens your partner may face. Assess their needs and identify practical ways you can assist them. This could involve helping with household chores, running errands, or taking on additional responsibilities. By sharing the load, you show your partner that you are in this together, reinforcing the idea that you are a team working through adversity.

5. Encourage Self-Care

Encourage and facilitate self-care practices for your partner. During difficult times, individuals may neglect their well-being. Help them prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, therapy, or pursuing hobbies they find fulfilling. Offer to join them in these activities, or support them by giving them space and time for themselves. By nurturing their well-being, you contribute to their overall resilience and ability to cope with challenges.

6. Avoid Judgment and Criticism

In moments of vulnerability, it is crucial to avoid judgment and criticism. Negative or critical remarks can be detrimental to your partner's well-being, exacerbating their difficulties. Instead, practice empathy, understanding, and unconditional positive regard. Create an environment where your partner feels safe expressing their emotions without fear of judgment. Remember, your role is to support and uplift, rather than criticize or belittle.

7. Seek Professional Help if Needed

Recognize when professional help may be beneficial. If your partner's challenges persist or intensify, encourage them to seek support from a qualified therapist or counselor. Professional intervention can provide valuable insights, coping strategies, and personalized guidance to navigate their difficulties. By encouraging this step, you demonstrate your commitment to their well-being and the health of your relationship.

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Supporting your partner during difficult times is a testament to the strength and resilience of your relationship. By fostering open communication, empathy, and understanding, you create a safe space for them to share their struggles. Being present, offering practical support, and encouraging self-care can significantly alleviate their burdens. Remember, each individual's journey is unique, and seeking professional help when necessary is a sign of strength and commitment.

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Author: Crystin Nichols
Book Appointment: https://southtampacounselor.com/bookappointment

7 Daily Habits for Bettering Your Mental Health

Taking care of our mental health is crucial for overall well-being and happiness. Just as we engage in daily activities to maintain physical health, it's essential to develop habits that promote good mental health. In this blog post, we'll explore seven simple but effective tips for improving your mental well-being on a daily basis. By incorporating these habits into your routine, you can cultivate a positive mindset and lead a more fulfilling life.

1. Practice Mindfulness:

Start your day with mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or simply taking a few moments to focus on the present moment. Mindfulness helps calm the mind, reduces stress, and enhances self-awareness. It allows you to let go of negative thoughts and cultivate a positive mindset.

2. Establish Healthy Boundaries:

Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining good mental health. Learn to say "no" when necessary, and don't overcommit yourself. Recognize your limits and communicate them effectively. By establishing healthy boundaries, you can reduce stress, prevent burnout, and prioritize self-care.

3. Engage in Physical Exercise:

Regular physical exercise not only benefits your physical health but also has a profound impact on your mental well-being. Engaging in activities like walking, jogging, yoga, or dancing releases endorphins, which are natural mood boosters. Aim for at least 30 minutes of exercise daily to reduce stress, improve sleep quality, and boost your overall mood.

4. Connect with Others:

Human connection is vital for our mental health. Nurture your relationships by spending quality time with loved ones, friends, or participating in group activities. Engage in meaningful conversations, express your emotions, and seek support when needed. Building a strong support system can provide comfort, reduce feelings of isolation, and foster a sense of belonging.

5. Practice Self-Care:

Self-care is essential for maintaining a healthy mind. Dedicate time each day to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it's reading a book, taking a bath, practicing a hobby, or listening to music, make self-care a priority. Taking care of yourself enables you to recharge, reduce stress, and improve your overall mental well-being.

6. Prioritize Sleep:

A good night's sleep is crucial for mental health. Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night. Establish a regular sleep schedule, create a soothing bedtime routine, and ensure your sleep environment is comfortable and conducive to rest. Sufficient sleep improves cognitive function, regulates mood, and enhances emotional resilience.

7. Practice Gratitude:

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude has a profound impact on mental health. Each day, take a few moments to reflect on the things you're grateful for. This practice helps shift your focus to the positive aspects of life, promotes optimism, and reduces stress. Consider keeping a gratitude journal or sharing your gratitude with others to enhance its effects.

Improving your mental health doesn't require drastic changes; it starts with small, daily habits that positively impact your overall well-being. By practicing mindfulness, setting boundaries, engaging in regular exercise, nurturing relationships, prioritizing self-care, getting sufficient sleep, and cultivating gratitude, you can transform your mental landscape and lead a more fulfilling life. Remember, taking care of your mental health is a continuous journey, and each small step counts towards a healthier, happier you.

Author: Crystin Nichols
Book Appointment: https://southtampacounselor.com/bookappointment

Are You Arguing with Your Spouse?

Many couples believe that arguing with their spouse is a sign of a troubled relationship. However, the truth is that disagreements are a natural part of any healthy relationship. In fact, it's normal and even healthy for couples to have arguments from time to time. Here are some reasons why it's okay to argue with your spouse.

1. It allows for honest communication: Arguing with your spouse can provide an opportunity for honest communication. When couples argue, they are expressing their true feelings, thoughts, and concerns. This kind of communication is essential to building a strong and healthy relationship.

2. It helps to resolve conflicts: Disagreements can provide an opportunity to resolve conflicts. When couples argue, they are addressing issues that need to be resolved. By working through these conflicts together, couples can strengthen their relationship and create a deeper understanding of each other.

3. It shows that you care: Arguing with your spouse can also be a sign that you care about each other. When couples argue, they are expressing their passion, which is a sign of emotional investment in the relationship. It shows that you are willing to stand up for your beliefs and values, which can create a more meaningful relationship.

4. It leads to growth and learning: Arguing with your spouse can also lead to personal growth and learning. When couples argue, they are challenging each other's perspectives, which can lead to new insights and understanding. By working through conflicts and disagreements, couples can learn from each other and grow together.

5. It can bring you closer together: Finally, arguing with your spouse can actually bring you closer together. When couples argue, they are working through difficult issues together, which can create a stronger bond. By being willing to engage in difficult conversations, couples can create a deeper connection and a more intimate relationship.

Arguing with your spouse is a natural and healthy part of any relationship. It allows for honest communication, helps to resolve conflicts, shows that you care, leads to growth and learning, and can bring you closer together. The key is to approach arguments with respect, empathy, and a willingness to listen to each other's perspectives. By doing so, you can turn disagreements into opportunities for growth and strengthen your relationship in the process.

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Author: Crystin Nichols
Book Appointment: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/CrystinNicholsMFTI

What is the difference between LMHC and MFT?

When it comes to seeking therapy, there are a variety of mental health professionals to choose from. Two common options are Licensed Mental Health Counselors (LMHCs) and Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs). While both professions offer valuable support to individuals and families, there are some important differences to consider. In this blog post, we'll explore the difference between licensed mental health counselors and marriage and family therapists.

Elizabeth Mahaney, MA, LMHC, MFT, LPC, LCPC, CCTP, NCC, DCC, Ph.D has a MA in both mental health counseling and marriage and family therapy with specialized training in communication, trauma and many certifications. Here is why this is important:

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Licensed Mental Health Counselors (LMHCs)

LMHCs are mental health professionals who provide counseling services to individuals, couples, and families. They are trained to diagnose and treat a variety of mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and trauma. LMHCs use evidence-based therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy to help clients work through their challenges.

LMHCs typically hold a Master's degree in counseling or a related field and are licensed by their state's licensing board. In order to become licensed, LMHCs must complete a certain number of supervised clinical hours and pass a licensing exam.

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Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs)

MFTs are mental health professionals who specialize in working with couples and families. They are trained to address the unique challenges that arise in family systems, such as communication breakdowns and relationship conflicts. MFTs use a variety of therapeutic approaches, such as Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman Approach, and Internal Family Systems, to help families and couples improve their relationships.

MFTs typically hold a Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy and are licensed by their state's licensing board. In order to become licensed, MFTs must complete a certain number of supervised clinical hours and pass a licensing exam.

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Differences between LMHCs and MFTs

While both LMHCs and MFTs provide counseling services, there are some key differences between the two professions. The main difference lies in their areas of specialization. LMHCs are trained to address a wide range of mental health issues, while MFTs focus specifically on relationship and family dynamics.

Another difference is the types of clients they see. While LMHCs work with individuals, couples, and families, MFTs primarily work with couples and families. MFTs use a systemic approach, meaning they view individuals within the context of their family and larger social systems.

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Which one is right for you?

The decision between seeing an LMHC or an MFT ultimately depends on your individual needs. If you are struggling with a specific mental health issue, an LMHC may be a better fit. If you are experiencing challenges within your relationships or family system, an MFT may be a better choice.

It's important to do your research and choose a therapist who is licensed and trained in the areas that are most relevant to your needs. Additionally, it's always a good idea to schedule an initial consultation with a therapist to get a sense of their approach and determine if they are a good fit for you.

Author: Crystin Nichols
Book Appointment: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/CrystinNicholsMFTI

Book with Dr. Liz: https://southtampacounselor.com/bookappointment

How to navigate the transition from the 20s to the 30s

This month Supervised Therapist Kaitlin Lowey was featured on WFLA’s Bloom. She provided tips on how to navigate the life stage transition many people undergo during their 30s. You can watch the full segment here. Below is a summary of the clip.

20’s are a time of self-discovery and paving your life path, but as many reach their 30’s, that transitions into getting married, having kids, and leaving a legacy.

Mental Health Counseling Professional, Kaitlin Lowey, from South Tampa Therapy joined Gayle Guyardo, the host of the global health and wellness show, Bloom, to share more about transitioning into your 30’s.

Typically at some point in their 30s, individuals move into the middle adulthood stage of their lives. Between ages 18 and up to age 40 in some cases, people work through what famous psychologist Erik Erikson called the intimacy versus isolation stage, which is about finding and forming fulfilling romantic relationships and friendships. This stage can be completed at different times for different people, but the main task associated with intimacy versus isolation is forming close, enduring relationships. 

Erikson called the stage after this generativity versus stagnation, and it’s all about developing a sense of purpose, caring for others, and contributing to the world. In this stage, individuals – having developed strong relationships with others – may focus on their work, raising families, or contributing to their community. While Erikson generally felt this stage should start by age 40, many people begin to shift their focus on these contribution-focused tasks earlier, often in their 30s. 

So, how does one successfully complete the task of learning how to care and contribute to the world in a way that brings them meaning during this phase of life?

1. Developing a sense of purpose: In Erikson's stage of generativity versus stagnation, individuals must find meaning and purpose in their lives beyond their own personal needs and desires. To successfully navigate this transition from intimacy versus isolation, individuals must begin to explore and cultivate their own sense of purpose. This could involve pursuing career goals, volunteering for a cause they care about, or developing a hobby or passion that provides a sense of fulfillment and purpose.

2. Building and maintaining relationships: Intimacy versus isolation is all about developing close relationships with others, and this remains important in generativity versus stagnation. However, the focus shifts from romantic partnerships and friendships to broader social connections, such as their community. To navigate this transition successfully, individuals must continue to invest in their relationships and develop new ones, while also learning to balance their own needs with the needs of others.

3. Leaving a legacy: In Erikson's stage of generativity versus stagnation, individuals must begin to think about the mark they will leave on the world. This could involve having children and raising them well, contributing to their community in meaningful ways, or leaving behind a creative or intellectual legacy. Individuals must begin to think about their impact on the world and take actions that align with their values and goals. This may involve taking risks, trying new things, and stepping outside of their comfort zone in order to make a meaningful contribution to the world around them.

Counseling top tip: Identify your values

One powerful exercise you can do to ensure you are spending their time on meaningful, generative, and purposeful activities during this stage is to identify your values. In order to complete the exercise, find a list of values (there are several values lists online as well as values card decks for purchase). Sort the values into 3 piles: very important to me, kind of important to me, and not important to me. Then, select your top 5 values from the very important to me pile. Map your activities onto these values to determine how closely what you are spending your time on aligns with these values. This enables you to make a better-informed decision about living with intention during the middle adulthood years. Just think: 30 years from now, you’ll be able to look back on this time of your life and know you made the most of it!

Can Gottman Couples Therapy Help Your Relationship Improve?

If you are facing relationship struggles, Gottman Couples Therapy can provide you and your partner with the support you need to work through your problems. This approach to couple’s therapy is based on over 40 years of research conducted by Dr. John Gottman and his wife Dr. Julie Gottman.

The main goal of Gottman Couples Therapy is to help couples strengthen their relationships by improving communication, enhancing love, and building trust. The therapy process focuses on evidence-based interventions that have been shown to be effective in strengthening relationships.

One of the key elements of this therapy is the concept of “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” which refers to four negative communication patterns: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These patterns can be some of the most significant predictors of relationship breakdown. During the therapy sessions, the couples learn to recognize and avoid these patterns, which helps them to communicate more effectively.

Another essential component of Gottman Couples Therapy is the “Love Maps” exercise. This exercise involves creating a detailed understanding of each other’s inner worlds, including dreams, hopes, and fears. By building these Love Maps, couples can stay connected and understand each other better.

In addition, Gottman Couples Therapy helps couples to develop conflict management skills. During the therapy sessions, couples learn how to navigate argument and disagreements by expressing their own needs while also listening to their partner's feelings and concerns.

Gottman Couples Therapy also emphasizes the importance of reinforcing positive behavior. Couples are encouraged to express appreciation, admiration, and affection towards one another regularly. This allows the couple to build and maintain a strong foundation of love and positivity.

Overall, Gottman Couples Therapy is an evidence-based approach to counseling that can help couples work through various relationship challenges. By focusing on improved communication, increased trust, and building stronger emotional connections, couples can learn ways to enhance their relationship and increase their overall happiness.

How to cultivate a positive mindset for active aging

Last month Supervised Therapist Kaitlin Lowey was featured on WFLA TV’s Bloom. She dispelled stereotypes about aging and provided tips on how to foster a positive mindset and stay active as we age. You can view the full segment here. Below is a summary of the clip. 

https://www.wfla.com/video/mindset-active-aging/8430170/

Exercising our minds and bodies, staying socially connected, and living with purpose are all connected to longer, more fulfilling lives as we age and reach retirement age. But given the stereotypes about aging that pervade Western cultures, it can be difficult to overcome doubts about staying active, healthy, and engaged as we get older. 

So, how do we cultivate a positive mindset for active aging? 

• Reject the stereotypes about aging

• There are a lot of misconceptions about aging in America – false ideas like as people age, they are doomed to poor health, cognitive decline, and general decline in life satisfaction. These are myths. (And as part of a generation with parents entering this phase of life, I’m passionate about dispelling these myths.) 

• The truth is that subjective well-being increases with age, and we see a jump in subjective well-being around age 50, and this persists until the very oldest stage of life. 

• Why? One explanation is that as we age we become more emotionally stable. We’re better able to handle stress and weather storms with hard-earned wisdom. 

• Another reason may be that, contrary to the myth that older adults become more set in their ways, older adults actually report more openness to the future. 

• In addition, older adults report more satisfaction in their social relationships. 

• And finally, as we age we care less and less about what people think! There is freedom in this. 

• All of this is important to remember because a 2022 study from Harvard revealed that people with more positive attitudes about getting older tend to live longer and healthier lives than those with negative perceptions. 

• Be intentional about connecting to purpose and people 

• Having a purpose gives our lives meaning. We spend so much time planning for retirement, that it’s easy to forget to plan the retirement itself! Consider the legacy you want to leave behind in this new chapter. Is the purpose of this chapter to teach others, spend more time connecting with loved ones, building a new skill you’ve always wanted to try? There are so many exciting possibilities for projects that align with your values. 

• Post-retirement years are also a great time to join a club and get involved in a community organization. 

• Make a plan for exercise 

• Research shows that exercising regularly has immense physical, emotional, and cognitive benefits – especially in our older years. But we’re not always motivated to do it. The key is to make a plan for when you’ll exercise and also make a plan for how you’ll respond if you don’t feel like it.

• For instance, you could tell yourself you’ll just try exercising for a few minutes and see how it goes. Chances are, you’ll find the motivation to do more. You can also take a moment to envision all the benefits you will get from exercising to create the kinds of positive feelings that then lead to motivation. 

• Another great way to stay motivated is by recruiting your friends and family members to exercise with you or help keep each other accountable.  

• Finally, fit activity into your lifestyle. Take the stairs. Park in the back of the parking lot. Take the dog for a long walk. These small moments of activity add up. 

• Cultivate gratitude, openness, and curiosity

• Research shows that the number one factor happy people have in common is gratitude. Actively noticing and being thankful for the small things in life can give you the boost you need to maintain a positive mindset.

• Make use of that openness you’re experiencing. Lean into it. Get curious about what’s out there waiting for you in your retirement years. Who knows if you’re the next budding photographer, master’s high jumper, or champion pickleball player.

To Book with Kaitlin Lowey: https://SouthTampaTherapyBOOKAPPT.as.me/KaitlinLowey